Dear Husband,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk panties. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your shows.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-wife
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Spain together! Have a great life!
*********************************************************************
Dear EX-wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my shows so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a boy'! Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my brother, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk panties: I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lottery for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica .
But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your EX-husband, Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Caroline. I hope that's not a problem.
Beware of using credit card to refill the petrol.
Just got to know about this case through a friend that this thing actually
happened to one of his co-workers. She used her credit/debit card to
purchase gas at the pump (like most of us do).
She received her receipt like normal. However, when she checked her
statement, there were 2 $50 charges added in addition to her purchase. Upon
investigation, she found out that because she did not press the 'CLEAR'
button on the pump, the employee inside the store was able to use her card
to purchase his/her own gas! To keep this from happening, after you get
your receipt, you must press the 'CLEAR' button or your information will be
stored until the next customer inserts their card.
Be sure to tell all your friends/family so that this doesn't happen to
them!
Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?
Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether
any 're
-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Mi crosoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will povide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that
.
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one to Mr. Bill Gates:
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?
http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/Tuesday/National/2256737/Article/ KUALA LUMPUR: Five women were attacked and robbed by a group of Mat Rempit while refuelling at a petrol station in Jalan Travers, Bangsar, early on Saturday. Their ordeal lasted about 20 minutes and despite their cries for help, no one came to their aid, alleged one of the victims yesterday. M. Uma, 34, said she and four others were on the way to Puchong about 3.30am on Saturday when they stopped to refuel at a station in Jalan Travers. "We noticed there was a group of about 15 men on eight motorcycles loitering near one of the pumps but did not suspect anything. "One of my friends went into the station to pay for fuel and as she was walking back to the car, one of the men pushed her from the back and grabbed her mobilephone," said Uma, a customer service executive. Two of the Mat Rempit then charged the Toyota Avanza the victims were in and attacked them. "The men had soft drink tins in their hands and poured the drinks on our faces while trying to snatch our jewellery. "One of them opened the rear passenger door and tried reaching for my chain but got my bracelet instead," she said. Uma claimed there were three pump attendants inside the station and several other motorists around as they screamed for help but no one came to aid them. The Mat Rempit escaped with three mobilephones, a gold chain and a bracelet, worth a total of about RM5,000. The victims sustained minor cuts and bruises to their hands and faces. Three police patrol cars arrived at the scene soon after and police obtained CCTV footage from the premises. Brickfields police chief Assistant Commissioner Wan Abdul Bari Wan Abdul Khalid said there were no arrests yet.
Ayam : Manusia ni memang pentingkan diri sendiri!
Lembu : Kenapa kau kata macam tu?
Ayam : Tengoklah. Apa mereka buat kat aku!
Lembu : Hah! Buat apa pulak?
Ayam : Aku ni bertelur hari-hari. Aku cadang naklah dapat anak dua tiga ekor. Orang kata ada juga waris aku bila aku dah tak de nanti. Tapi manusia ni memang tak berhati perut. Hari-hari dia orang makan telor aku,macamana aku nak dapat anak!
Lembu : Alah! Kau punya masaalah kecil aja!
Ayam : ?? Maksud kau?
Lembu : Aku ni, kalau fikirkan nasib aku lagi malang. Rasa nak bunuh diri pun ada.Bayangkan, hari-hari manusia minum susu aku tapi sorang pun tak pernahpanggil aku MAK!
Ayam : ?? (Dalam hati: Tak boleh pakai punya lembu!)
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