Amazing.
螢幕說：我好慘，日日比人睇。
鍵盤說：我更慘，日日比人打。
滑鼠說：我先慘，日日比人摸。
主機說：你地唔夠我慘，我日日比人按肚臍。
光碟機說：我慘D，日日比人插。
軟碟機說：我慘尼，而家冇人插我啦！
USB頭說：邊個夠我慘？我比人插完呢邊插嗰邊，一唔小心仲會被感
主機板說：你地唔會以為有野插好得意，其實我先慘
最後音效卡忍唔住說：明明你地比人插，點解次次係我叫．．．．．
Thursday, June 05, 2008
memperdaya - di perdaya
Semalam dalam akhbar tempatan, kerajaan telah keluarkan satu statistik kononnya harga minyak di malaysia adalah yang paling rendah di rantau ini.Kemudian mereka membandingkan harga minyak malaysia dengan harga minyak di Thailand, Singapore, Filipina dan Vietnam.
Persoalan sekarang apakah asas perbandingan tersebut sedangkan negara negara tersebut bukan pengeluar minyak?
Hujah seperti inilah yang di gunakan oleh barisan pemimpin untuk memperbodohkan orang kampung.
Ok, disini fakta yang semua orang kena tahu.Pertama sekali sila lihat perbandingan harga minyak malaysia dan negara negara pengeluar minyak yang lain:-
Negara Harga minyak seliter (dalam RM)
Malaysia RM 2.70
Iran RM 0.29
Venezuela RM 0.16
Turkemenistan RM 0.39
Arab Saudi RM 0.19
Mesir RM 0.81
Dari data di atas, membuktikan propaganda kerajaan adalah palsu dan tidak benar.Kesemua negara pengeluar minyak di atas, harga minyak adalah di bawah RM1.00 seliter.Ada sesetengah alasan mengatakan keluaran minyak kita tak sebanyak arab saudi yang mengeluarkan sejuta tong sehari.Menurut kerajaan, pengeluaran minyak kita adalah dalam lingkungan 700 ribu tong sehari.Oleh itu kalau berdasarkan ratio pengeluaran minyak antara arab saudi dan malaysia 1 juta : 700 ribu, sepatutnya harga minyak malaysia dalam lingkungan RM0.30 sen sahaja. Kenapa arab saudi boleh kekalkan harga minyak pada 0.19 sen seliter tapi malaysia pada 1.92 sen?
Bukan kah jauh bezanya?
Bagaimana pula dengan venezuella yang jumlah penduduk hampir sama dengan malaysia boleh kekalkan harga minyak pada 0.16 sen seliter sahaja?Ini menunjukkan ada sesuatu yang tak kena dalam menguruskan hasil minyak dalam negara.
Ketika dato seri anwar ibrahim menjawat jawatan menteri kewangan malaysia pada tahun 1991-1998, harga minyak di kekalkan pada 1.10 sen seliter.Bagaimana beliau boleh mengekalkan harga minyak selama lapan tahun sedangkan harga minyak dunia naik mendadak ketika perang teluk di iraq?
Pada masa yang sama juga pembangunan dan projek projek banyak juga di jalankan dalam negara tanpa perlu naikkan harga minyak.Tapi pemimpin kerajaan beri alasan untuk naikan harga minyak supaya duit tersebut dapat tampung projek pembangunan.
Masalah sekarang projek pembangunan untuk faedah siapa?
Rakyat atau kroni?
Berapa kerat orang yang dapat faedah dari koridor pembangunan di sana sini?
Subsidi minyak yang di tanggung kerajaan mencapai 35 billion setahun.Kerajaan bersungguh sungguh untuk mengurang kan subsidi minyak ini kerana kalau harga minyak tidak di naikkan dengan segera ianya akan mengganggu peruntukan kerajaan bagi membangunkan koridor koridor di seluruh negara yang bernilai ratusan billion.
Yang orang asyik berhujah ialah harga minyak perlu di naikkan kerana harga minyak dunia telah naik.Ada yang mengatakan ia masalah global.So yang kita kita fikir ialah kenapa nak risau tentang harga minyak dunia yang melambung naik kerana sepatutnya sebagai negara pengeluar minyak, malaysia seharusnya gembira kerana bila harga minyak dunia naik, pendapatan
petronas jadi berlipat ganda.So apa masalahnya?Walaupun malaysia ada mengimport minyak dari luar untuk kegunaan tempatan, tapi bila dah net off dari pendapatan export, masih untung besar lagi.
Adakah negara akan bankrupt kalau turunkan harga minyak??
Sudah tentu tidak.Sila lihat statistik di bawah:-
Allocation untuk mega projek:-
Koridor utara : RM 17.5 billion
Koridor timur : RM 112 billion
Wilayah iskandar : RM 47 billion
Koridor sabah : RM 105 billion
Koridor Serawak : RM 107 billion
Bila kerajaan membuat pelan untuk pembangunan projek di atas, sudah tentulah kerajaan mempunyai wang yang banyak.Jadi, jika kerajaan sanggup membelanjakan ratusan billion untuk projek pembangunan seperti di atas yang hanya boleh di manafaatkan oleh segelintir rakyat sahaja, kenapa nak tampung subsidi 35 billion setahun pun tak mampu?
Mana yang lebih penting?
Mana yang perlu di utamakan?Kebajikan rakyat atau projek mega?
Bila menteri menteri beri komen tentang ekonomi, semuanya berkata yang bagus bagus, tapi bila bercakap soal subsidi minyak, dah cakap lain pulak.So kalau Dato Najib kata turunkan harga minyak akan buat negara bankrup,bagaimana projek ratusan billion di atas?
Tak bankrup kah negara dengan projek ratusan billion tersebut?Perlu di ingat bahawa di samping pendapatan hasil petroleum,
negara juga mempunyai hasil dari sumber lain seperti getah, sawit, taxation, balak dan lain lain.Pendapatan tahunan negara kalau di ambil kira harga minyak yang melambung naik bakal mencecah 200 billion setahun.Dari jumlah tersebut susah sangat ke nak sumbangkan 50 billion untuk beri subsidi pada rakyat?
Ni korang compare ngan Turkmenistan .
Oil - production: 196,700 bbl/day (2005 est.)
GDP - per capita (PPP): $9,200 (2007 est.)
here
Ni Malaysia punya
Oil - production: 751,800 bbl/day (2005 est.)
GDP - per capita (PPP): $14,400 (2007 est.)
here
fikir fikirkan lah sendiri
Written by nurkaseh at 12:41 AM
Suatu pagi seorang anak yang baru masuk sekolah primary bertanya kepada daddynya,
'Daddy.daddy....sex tu apa, daddy..?'
Terkulat-kulat si ayah. Terfikir dia tentang arus kemodenan zaman sekarang yang membuatkan manusia berfikiran terbuka, termasuklah anak-anak yang masih kecil. Sesuai dengan konsep pendidikan seks yang sedang hangat dibincangkan, mulalah si ayah mencari-cari jawapan yang sesuai dengan harapan anaknya takkan tertinggal dalam arus pendidikan moden.
Maka si ayah pun memberikan jawapan secara mengkiaskan kumbang dan bunga,telur yang yang menetaskan berudu dan seterusnya menjadi katak, hujan serta benih yang mencetuskan tunas, diikuti dengan pembentukan bayi dalam kandungan.
Sebelum mengakhiri jawapannya itu, si ayah menyelitkan pula kisah percintaan antara dia dan mamanya sejak dari zaman sekolah menengah lagi hinggalah kepada kelahiran seorang bayi comel iaitu si anak yang bertanya itu. Tiba-tiba si anak menangis teresak-esak. Si ayah kehairanan.
'Eh kenapa ni?'
Si ayah bertanya kehairanan. Si anak masih juga menangis.
'Jawapan daddy tu panjang sangat, tapi tempat nak tulis jawapan ni pendek. Daddy ajalah yang tulis, waaaaa!!!!'
Kata si anak lantas menyerahkan buku latihan Bahasa Inggerisnya yang pada muka depan tertulis.... ..
SCROLL DOWN....
NAME : ............ .......... .......... ....
SCHOOL : ............ ......... ......... ...
CLASS : .......... ......... ......... ....
SEX :........... ......... .......... ......
TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
__________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.
Where is this signboard locate, can anyone tell me?
Who design and put the stupid name ???
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
HI All,
Have you seen recent advertisement of M/S SAINT GOBAIN GLASSES shown in TELEVISION'S - Then you must have known about 2 Way mirror)
How to determine if a mirror is 2 way or not (Not a Joke!)?
Not to scare you, but to make sure that you aware. Many of the Hotels and Textile showrooms cheat the customers this way & watch privately.
HOW TO DETECT A 2-WAY MIRROR?
When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc.,
How many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror i.e., they can
see you, but you can't see them. There have been many cases of people installing 2-way mirrors in female changing rooms or bathroom or bedrooms.
It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by just looking at it. So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type of
mirror we are looking at?
CONDUCT THIS SIMPLE TEST:
Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective surface and if there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail,
then it is a GENUINE mirror.
However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail, then BEWARE, IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR! (There is someone seeing you from the
other side). So remember, every time you see a mirror, do the "fingernail test." It doesn't cost you anything. It is simple to do.
This is a really good thing to do. The reason there is a gap on a real mirror, is because the silver is on the back of the mirror UNDER the glass.
Whereas with a two-way mirror, the silver is on the surface. Keep it in mind! Make sure and check every time you enter in hotel rooms. May be someone is making a film on you.
Ladies: Share this with your friends.
Men: Share this with your sisters, wives, daughters, friends, colleagues, etc.
Pass this message to all Ur friends in the Contacts
Please be a true friend and send this article to all your friends you care about.
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this "sludge" reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
A serious note about heart attacks - You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.
You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive.
A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this message sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life. Read this & Send the link to a friend. It could save a life. So, please be a true friend and send this article to all your friends you care about.
Its never late....Forward soon...
An elephant asks a camel: 'Why are your breasts on your back?
Well' says the camel, 'I think that's a strange question from somebody whose dick is on his face.
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips of Gold Coast, Australia, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' and he said 'no'.
Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, 'Okay,' hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them.'
Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George: 'I thought you said that you'd shot them!'
George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!'
(True Story) I LOVE IT -Don't mess with old people!!
Miracle of Allah in Saudi Arabia
SAND FOUNTAIN
You can't believe this in present materialistic life but this has happened in Saudi Arabia .
A SAND FOUNTAIN ... SUBHANALLAH
The description says: A fountain of sand erupted in the desert of Saudi Arabia and until today geologists don't have a clue or an explanation to what is going on. Scientists say that this will bring out some minerals and metals that we have never seen or encountered before..
IT IS JUST ANOTHER MIRACLE FROM ALLAH
Suddenly , a 9-meter fountain appeared, in the Al-Ahsa City , Eastern Saudi Arabia .
Immediately, Aramco Geological teams and Scientists hurry to deal with this strange phenomenon, but they did not succeed in explaining what happened! But they agreed on
a theory (...) that these are -what so called- burdens of the Earth. Allah says in the
Quran :
'And the earth throws up her burdens (from within)' 99.2
Some scientists said this phenomenon will lead to appearance of new materials, Which will change the humanity way of life ...
We will show them Our signs in all the regions of the earth and in their own souls, until they clearly see that this is the truth ...'
(Holy Quran: Chapter Fussilat, 41: Verse 53)
The Day of Judgment is near when there is a single star in the sky, straightaway the path of forgiveness will close. The writing in the Quran will vanish. The sun will lower itself with the earth.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said who ever delivers this news to someone else I will on the day of judgment make him a place in paradise, Aameen.
Dear Husband,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk panties. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your shows.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-wife
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Spain together! Have a great life!
*********************************************************************
Dear EX-wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my shows so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a boy'! Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my brother, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk panties: I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lottery for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica .
But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your EX-husband, Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Caroline. I hope that's not a problem.
Beware of using credit card to refill the petrol.
Just got to know about this case through a friend that this thing actually
happened to one of his co-workers. She used her credit/debit card to
purchase gas at the pump (like most of us do).
She received her receipt like normal. However, when she checked her
statement, there were 2 $50 charges added in addition to her purchase. Upon
investigation, she found out that because she did not press the 'CLEAR'
button on the pump, the employee inside the store was able to use her card
to purchase his/her own gas! To keep this from happening, after you get
your receipt, you must press the 'CLEAR' button or your information will be
stored until the next customer inserts their card.
Be sure to tell all your friends/family so that this doesn't happen to
them!
Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?
Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether
any 're
-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Mi crosoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will povide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that
.
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one to Mr. Bill Gates:
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?
http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/Tuesday/National/2256737/Article/ KUALA LUMPUR: Five women were attacked and robbed by a group of Mat Rempit while refuelling at a petrol station in Jalan Travers, Bangsar, early on Saturday. Their ordeal lasted about 20 minutes and despite their cries for help, no one came to their aid, alleged one of the victims yesterday. M. Uma, 34, said she and four others were on the way to Puchong about 3.30am on Saturday when they stopped to refuel at a station in Jalan Travers. "We noticed there was a group of about 15 men on eight motorcycles loitering near one of the pumps but did not suspect anything. "One of my friends went into the station to pay for fuel and as she was walking back to the car, one of the men pushed her from the back and grabbed her mobilephone," said Uma, a customer service executive. Two of the Mat Rempit then charged the Toyota Avanza the victims were in and attacked them. "The men had soft drink tins in their hands and poured the drinks on our faces while trying to snatch our jewellery. "One of them opened the rear passenger door and tried reaching for my chain but got my bracelet instead," she said. Uma claimed there were three pump attendants inside the station and several other motorists around as they screamed for help but no one came to aid them. The Mat Rempit escaped with three mobilephones, a gold chain and a bracelet, worth a total of about RM5,000. The victims sustained minor cuts and bruises to their hands and faces. Three police patrol cars arrived at the scene soon after and police obtained CCTV footage from the premises. Brickfields police chief Assistant Commissioner Wan Abdul Bari Wan Abdul Khalid said there were no arrests yet.
Ayam : Manusia ni memang pentingkan diri sendiri!
Lembu : Kenapa kau kata macam tu?
Ayam : Tengoklah. Apa mereka buat kat aku!
Lembu : Hah! Buat apa pulak?
Ayam : Aku ni bertelur hari-hari. Aku cadang naklah dapat anak dua tiga ekor. Orang kata ada juga waris aku bila aku dah tak de nanti. Tapi manusia ni memang tak berhati perut. Hari-hari dia orang makan telor aku,macamana aku nak dapat anak!
Lembu : Alah! Kau punya masaalah kecil aja!
Ayam : ?? Maksud kau?
Lembu : Aku ni, kalau fikirkan nasib aku lagi malang. Rasa nak bunuh diri pun ada.Bayangkan, hari-hari manusia minum susu aku tapi sorang pun tak pernahpanggil aku MAK!
Ayam : ?? (Dalam hati: Tak boleh pakai punya lembu!)
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