Funny v1

A Short Story

Ramya was about to leave office after finishing her work. She got a call
from her husband Karthi,

Ramya                : "Hello, yes Karthi".
Karthik        : "Ramya, can you open my gmail and get a print out of the mail
                 from that US consultant I forgot to take it in my office"
Ramya                : "Yes, I can, I need your password"
Karthik        : "jeni22091980"
Ramya                : "Ok fine"

She takes the print out and logs out. Some thought struck her mind now.
JENI happens to be his college mate. Hmmm...

She decides not to discuss this with Karthik. She simply opens her mail
box and changes the password from "mohan143" to " Karthiramya" and
leaves for home!



MORAL OF THE STORY:  Change your password! NOW!

The Confusing Wonder of the World!!!

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you do not understand

If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

She is a woman If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk


In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So damning, yet so wonderful
So confusing, yet so desirable... ...

Boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper was down.

His secretary walked up to him and asked, "Boss this morning when you left your house, did you
close your garage door?" This was not a phrase that Her Boss understood, so he went into his Office looking a bit puzzled.

When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his Zipper was not zipped up. He zipped up and remembering what his Secretary had told him, finally understood.


He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary. When he reached her desk, He said, "When you saw the garage door open did you see my jaguar parked in there?"
The secretary smiled for a moment and said, "No, Boss I didn't. All I saw was a Maruti 800 with 2 flat tires."

Christ the Redeemer, Rio de Janeiro
One of the New 7 Wonders of the World

吴天瑜 Debbie Goh

出生地：馬來西亞

身　份：女演員

介紹：
馬 來西亞華裔女演員，原名吳淑心，在新加坡修讀商業管理課程。1999年當選馬來西亞國際華裔小姐冠軍並奪得多個獎項，分別是最上鏡小姐、最優雅小姐、最受 傳媒及觀眾歡迎獎項等，亦曾於九八年代表 大馬到香港競選國際華裔小姐， 並進入最後五強。原為有線新知台主播，曾在香港做過模特兒，後來加入香港有線衛視當主播。之後獲得徐小明的賞識，在【犀照】中有吃重演出。曾參予演出【夏 日的麼麼茶】電影及擔任娛樂網頁主持人。

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charmme_Kaur

Rules of life by Bill Gates
Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one

中国人 ：今晚你有空吗？我没空！
马来西亚华人 ：今晚你得不得空？我不得空！


中国人 ：饼干受潮了…。
马来西亚华人 ：饼干'漏风'了…。



中国人 ：从上海去苏州要多少个小时？
马来西亚华人：从上海去苏州要几粒钟？

中国人 ：难道他不可以来吗？
马来西亚华人：你不给他不来啊？



中国人 ：周杰伦不喜欢穿内裤。
马来西亚华人：周杰伦不喜欢穿底裤。



中国人 ：我一向都是这样的
马来西亚人：我一路来都是这样的啦



中国人 ：我的手机掉进沟渠了。
马来西亚华人：我的手机掉进龙沟了。



中国人 ：这样你不是很不值得吗？
马来西亚华人：这样你'马'很不 '歹'？



中国人 ：你真是聪明！
马来西亚华人：你真是pan nai！(源自马来语pandai，聪明的意思)


中国人 ：你安静！
马来西亚华人：你diam diam！(源自马来语diam，安静的意思)

中国人 ：我要去银行取款。
马来西亚华人：我要去银行'按钱'。
中国人 ：为什么？
马来西亚华人：做么？

中国人 ：你很强~
马来西亚华人：你很够力~


中国人 ：明天也叫他一起去吧！
马来西亚华人：明天叫'埋'他一起去！



中国人 ：我很郁闷~~~
马来西亚华人：我很'显'（sien）啊~~~~（'显'比郁闷的境界更高）


中国人 ：你再说我就打你！
马来西亚华人：你再说我就hood你！（有点粗俗的）



中国人 ：你在说什么？
马来西亚华人：你在说sommok？


中国人 ：你不要令我丢脸~
马来西亚华人：你不要'下水'我~



中国人 ：真被你气到…。
马来西亚华人：被你炸到…。


中国人 ：你别乱来~
马来西亚华人：你表乱乱来~


中国人 ：你很无聊
马来西亚华人：你很废



中国人 ：XX你
马来西亚华人：Kanasai（意思是像大便一样，骂人的话）


中国人 ：迫切
马来西亚华人：bek chek


中国人 ：我们一起吃这碗面~
马来西亚华人：我们'公司'吃这碗面~（源自马来语的kongsi，就是一起分享的意思）


中国人 ：我们结婚吧！
马来西亚华人：我们结'分'吧！（'婚'字受粤语影响，所以音不标准）


中国人 ：今天的天气很热~
马来西亚华人：今天的天气热到。。。。。。。。。。。。。。~~~~~~~（'到'字要拉
长，然后没有下文了）

中国人 ：哇!
马来西亚华人：哇捞weh!!!!


中国人 ：我受不了他！
马来西亚华人：我behtahan他！

话说以前有一对苦难兄弟，有一天他们俩兄弟突发奇想玩热气球，于是他们就飞上天啦，可是上了天以后才发现，他们不知道怎么降落，气球就一直飞，飞到一个大草原。苦难兄弟在气球上看到下面有一个人正在骑马奔驰，就在气球上大喊：

「下面的人呀，我们现在在哪里？」

那人于是回答：

「上面的人呀，你们在热气球上！」

接着就骑马跑掉了。

苦难弟就问苦难哥了：

「哥～，那个人是谁呀？」

苦难哥语重心长的回答：

「那个人一定是个经理，说的话都对，但是一点屁用也没有！」

气球又继续飞啦，这时候他们又看到有个人在草原上骑马。

这次苦难兄弟学聪明了，他们大喊：

「下面的人呀，我们要怎么降落？」

那人听到了也回答：

「上面的人呀，你们把绳索割断就能降落了！」

接着又马蹄哒哒的跑掉了。

苦难弟又问：

「哥～，那个人是谁呀？」

苦难哥再一次语重心长的回答：

「那个人一定是个副理，虽然他能解决问题，但是绝对不管你死活！」


气球仍然继续飞，飞到后来没瓦斯了，气 ! 球就慢慢的降落，眼看就要摔到一个悬崖里，哥哥眼捷手快，从气球里面跳了出来，可是弟弟却跟热气球一起掉到悬崖下了，这时候旁边正好也有一个人骑着马过来，哥哥就向他求救了。

这人不疾不徐的回答：

「这个悬崖不深，我可以教你弟弟怎么爬上来。」

有三个办法：

A 、左手右脚，右手左脚的爬

B、左手左脚，右手右脚的爬

C、左手右手、左脚右脚的爬

正当这个人还在跟苦难哥分析三种爬法的时候，弟弟已经用第一种办法爬了上来，这个人一看就很生气的跑过去，一脚把苦难弟踹下悬崖，还大喊：

「B 的办法才是多数人用的办法，你给我重来！」

苦难弟只好心不甘情不愿的用B 的方法爬上来，那个人才心满意足的离开。

苦难弟又问啦：

「哥～，那个人是谁呀？」

苦难哥，第三次，语重心长的回答：

「那个人一定是课长，虽然每种方法都能用，但是你不用他的方法你就该死！」



这时又来了一个人

你怎么那么笨 , 不会叫一台直升机载你上来哦

那个人一定是董事长 ,虽然他的方法也没错,但是根本不能用

呵~~~看一看 , 笑一笑, 受气时回味一下~~~~~~^^

Only skilled people can open this file.......once you succeed to open this file, you will find names of the people who have managed open this......

Now it is your turn! I have solved this question. You can see my name in this file.

A man wanted to get into his work building, but he had forgotten his code.

However, he did remember five clues. These are what those clues were:

The fifth number plus the third number equals fourteen.

The fourth number is one more than the second number.

The first number is one less than twice the second number.

The second number plus the third number equals ten.

The sum of all five numbers is 30.


What were the five numbers and in what order?

The answer unlocks the attachment above!



If you will open the file, write your name on the list inside, and send this email to your friends to let them solve this rid.

PLS DUN USE EXCEL TO SOLVE IT, USE UR BRAIN TO SOLVE IT.

I BELIEVE U ALL CAN SOLVE IT. TRY TO EXERCISE THE GAME WITH YOUR BRAIN.

GOOD LUCK and ENJOY!

為何乳癌最常發生在靠近腋窩的地方？ ...請轉寄給你認識的女孩子

不久以前，我參加了一個由 Terry Birk贊助的「乳癌防制研討會」，在最後的問答時間裡，我提出了一個問題：「為什麼乳癌最常見的區域在靠近腋窩的地方呢？

當時沒有人可以回答我的問題，可是最近我收到這封信，我發現它解決了我當時提出的問題。
現在我要請你重新想想你每天的日用品，有沒有可能會致癌的東西，因為從今天開始，我要徹底改變我使用的東西。

一位朋友將這封信轉寄給我，我把它給一位 正 在接受化療的朋友看，她說在她最近參加的互助團體中，她也正好學到這件事情。那就是「導致毒素累積成惡性腫瘤的原因是 ---- 防汗 / 止汗用品」。

大部分的商品都是結合「防汗 / 除臭」兩種功能的，所以趕快回家檢查你有沒有很多這樣子的東西。那些有「除臭」功能的東西沒有關係，可是「防汗」的就不行了。

最主要的理由是：人體有幾個主要排除毒素的區域，包括了膝蓋後方關節），耳後，鼠蹊及腋窩。它們排除毒素的方法就是「流汗」。
那些止汗 / 防汗用品明白地指出了它們的目的在避免你流汗，因而阻止了我們身體的毒 素 從腋窩排出，但是這些毒 素 並不會因此而消失，反而會因為無法排汗而儲存我們腋下的淋巴結，幾乎所有的乳癌都是發生在乳房外側上方的區域，那正是淋巴結所在的地方。

男人之所以比較不會得到乳癌的原因是因為這些防汗用品被阻絕在他們的體毛之外而不會直接接觸到皮膚。

不但如此，女人如果在剃毛之後馬上使用防汗 /止汗用品，更會提高罹患乳癌的機率，因為這樣皮膚上那些細微的傷痕使得止汗用品的化學物質可以直接進入到腋窩 。

請你將這個訊息轉寄給所有的人，因為乳癌的罹患率已經高的驚人，這樣的認識或許可以挽救許多的生命。